I Am The One Thing In Life I Can Control

We Keep Living Anyway

So, I entered Elise Kova‘s #ITookMyShot contest, right? It turns out, I did not throw away my shot. I won (SQUEEE!) and I got to see Hamilton on February 13 at the Richard Rogers Theater in New York City.

When I first received the news, I was completely stunned, immensely grateful to Elise. I think I cried. I never expected to go see Hamilton. Ever. I bought my train ticket and hotel room that night.

And then I had the anxiety attack. What if I got one of my terribad migraines and couldn’t go? What if my drug regimen made me doze off during the show? What if I got the flu? I have like 8 food restrictions for my migraines alone plus I can’t eat bread for my MTHFR, where the hell would I eat in NYC? What if I couldn’t get out of Penn Station and my desiccated corpse was found down in some hallway there weeks later?

But I did it. I traveled alone, way out of my comfort zone, and I got to my hotel room. I brought all my food from home so I didn’t have to have anxiety about going to restaurants. I got dressed up fancy, which always feels so good. I met Elise, who was totally relieved I wasn’t a serial killer (Sorry, just a total theater nerd and fangirl!). We thoroughly enjoyed the show and geeked out about theater and writing, which if you want to get me talking for a long while, those are two great subjects to start with. When it was all done, I thanked Elise profusely because hello? HAMILTON. (Elise, in addition to also not being a serial killer, is one of the kindest people I’ve met, please do buy her books.)

And then I was off to wander around Times Square at night; it’s an amazing place to be and not just because of the lights. The energy of so many people who are seeing a popular, exciting landmark, smiling, laughing and taking selfies. I loved the happy energy and absorbed it like a sponge.

The post-Exciting Thing migraine showed up that night. I expected it and took my meds. But, fellow Hobbitses, I went there and back again and found myself transformed. I took my stubborn ass body all by myself to New York City and back. I wanted to do something lovely and I did it anyway, neurological system! Suck it! Since then, I just feel a greater sense of…the ability to take control. I know I am not in control, but I now have more confidence that I can adapt to the situations which I find myself.

I am the one thing in life I can control.

* Featured image credit: Found on Nezumiko‘s tumblr, fellow spoonie, geek and Hamilton fan.

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